


Anxiety

by Aayeitsmecayden



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Established Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, Established SuperCorp, F/F, Fluff, Kinda?, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Panic Attacks, Self-Esteem Issues, but kara is there to help her through it, lena has a panic attack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-01
Updated: 2017-11-01
Packaged: 2019-01-27 18:01:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12587516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aayeitsmecayden/pseuds/Aayeitsmecayden
Summary: The wishful, naïve part of her says it’s just the stress over the new project, over making sure she doesn’t mess up with Kara, over meetings and budget reports. She wishes it was just stress.But it isn’tAnd she knows itAnd she hates it. But there’s nothing more she can do besides keeping up with her meds and keeping her mind occupied.





	Anxiety

**Author's Note:**

> First work for this fandom, kinda excited. 
> 
> I started writing this before season 3 came out 
> 
> Mon-el didn't even come to earth in this universe
> 
> I might add to this if anyone would like that

They're happy.

They are. Honeymoon stage hasn’t faded and things seem to be looking up for them both. Snapper has finally agreed to give Kara more stories to cover, and Supergirl has been on a winning streak for the last few weeks; Lena just started a new project that could help decontaminate hundreds of water supplies in a quarter of the time, and people have been coming to terms that she's nothing like her brother, that she fights for the good guys.

For Kara, they are both at a great place, not only professionally, but also personally and romantically.

If you ask Lena though, the answer differs slightly.

Don’t get her wrong, being with Kara has been great, amazing even. She's had the best times of her entire life with Kara laughing at her side. God, Lena loves Kara with everything that she is, and she can’t wait to tell her. And L-Corp has been thriving; stock market numbers were up and rising, no recent bomb threats to the building, new projects underway, and an expansion to the southeast in the works.

But

(There’s always a but)

Lately, she's been struggling on the personal level, on the mental level.

The wishful, naïve part of her says it’s just the stress over the new project, over making sure she doesn’t mess up with Kara, over meetings and budget reports. She wishes it was just stress.

But it isn’t

And she knows it

And she hates it. But there’s nothing more she can do besides keeping up with her meds and keeping her mind occupied. And hope Kara doesn’t find out. Because she doesn’t know if she can deal with her perfect, attentive girlfriend finally realizing what a fuck up she is.

_God, please don’t let her find out._  

* * *

Lena’s at her office, budget reports for project KL-208 ready to be signed on her desk, when Kara walks through the door with her shiny smile, and golden curls in a ponytail. The CEO doesn’t notice her at all, too inside her head to realize someone walked inside (or that she stopped writing eight minutes ago).

Kara stops a couple of steps before the desk, watching Lena blankly staring at her desk. In Kara’s mind, there's nothing Lena can’t do gracefully and beautifully, and she's amazed that the raven-haired woman chose her. She's not that special, just her lil’ ol’ self.

Finally, the blonde clears her throat loudly. It spooks Lena to the point of dropping her pen and recoiling into herself in defense and fear, before swiftly looking up and sighing in relief once she sees it’s her blonde girlfriend, her eyes clearing of that misty look she had before.

“In my defense, I knocked before coming in,” is the first thing Kara says with an amused little quirk of her lips. Lena feels her heart do a backflip at the gesture.

“It’s okay, darling, my mind has been all over the place today,” Lena says with a small smile ( _if you only knew_ ), before standing up and rounding her desk. Kara meets her in the middle with a kiss that makes Lena's stomach fill with butterflies.

Lena separates when she feels her mind start to wander away instead of enjoying the little moment between them. Kara juts her bottom lip out in protest before her stomach growls, and they giggle like the little in love fools that they are.

“I brought food,” the blonde says while holding up the white plastic bag on her right hand.

“Thank you, Kar. Let's move to the couch.”

They have lunch, Lena letting her girlfriend ramble to her little heart's content, spacing out more times than not, and she hates her brain for doing this to her. She hates her brain for making Lena question every single thing in search for the smallest defect in her person, or her character, searching for the reason Kara hasn’t left yet and coming up blank, because there are so many reasons for her to walk out that door and never come back, her family and her past being big enough to encompass most of the other things. How can a Super truly love a Luthor after all? How can Kara trust her the way she does? Lena doesn’t even trust herself sometimes, doesn’t trust that she will not hurt Kara in someway, because she's a Luthor, it’s in her blood to hurt people.

Her green eyes find blue, shining with the sun reflected on them, and a smile comes instantly to her face. There's a quieter voice, telling her that she would never hurt this wonderful person, telling her that she's not like her family at all, but all she can hear is her mother and Lex and Lionel, shouting that she's nothing and she will never be anything, that she’ll hurt everybody she loves, because it’s in her blood.

“Lena?” Kara's voice rings through her ears and her eyes focus again.

“I'm sorry, what was that?” Lena says with a small grimace.

Kara smiles sweetly, a kind look in her eyes. “I asked if you wanted to have dinner with me tonight?”

“Yes, of course, sweetheart.” The raven-haired woman says immediately.

“Great!” the superhero beams before checking her watch. She pouts before looking up again. “I gotta run, Snapper wants me to cover a story downtown,” she says while picking up the trash.

“It’s alright Kara. I have to finish things here and I have a meeting in 15 minutes anyway.” She doesn’t. But she would do anything to take that pout from the blonde’s face.

“If you say so, Lee. Make sure you finish that salad before your meeting though,” Kara says, always taking care of her. _Oh, I don’t deserve her._

“Yes, darling, I will.” (She won’t later on, but she means it at that moment)

“Okay. Okay, I have to go but I'll see you tonight at 8,” Kara pecks Lena's lips quickly before walking to the door. She opens it before turning around again, having remembered something important. “I’ll pick you up at your place, wear something comfortable.” She’s got a playful glint in her eyes and Lena just nods before Kara is gone.

The CEO stares at the door for a couple of seconds, just wondering what she did to deserve the life she that she has. _And how long is it really going to last_ , a voice asks, sounding very familiar _It won’t last long once everything’s out in the open_ , other taunts. Lena really hates how familiar her insecurities sound, and she feels powerless to do anything but listen to how right they sound inside her head. She moves almost in autopilot to her desk, to show a resemblance to the work she's supposed to be doing.

The salad stayed on the table next to the couch, untouched.

(Told you she wouldn’t eat the salad)

* * *

To say Kara hasn’t noticed would be a lie. They’ve been friends for almost two years now and dating for the past five months. Kara’s pretty sure she knows Lena enough to say that there's something… going on with the raven-haired woman; she just doesn’t know exactly what.

She notices a week and three days ago when Lena’s normally bright green eyes started getting duller and duller while they were having a movie night at Kara's place. She notices four days ago when Lena started getting a little bit quieter at game night with the super friends; the raven-haired girl would normally engage in conversation with Winn about her latest project at L-Corp, or talk to Alex about biochemistry, or discuss with Maggie the latest gayest show on TV; that’s how it normally went, but that night Lena barely said more than fifteen words, and most of them were to explain that work had her stressed and tired. Kara knew this was true but also knew that it was a deflection tactic.

She notices earlier that day, when she's at Lena's office having lunch, when Lena's eyes would get glassy and stare into space above her right shoulder, obviously not in the moment at all. At some point, Kara thought it was her fault, that maybe she had done something wrong or said something she shouldn’t have because she was the common factor in previous scenarios. She thought that maybe she was just being a bad girlfriend; maybe she had forgotten something important.

She invited Lena to dinner not only because she wanted to see a smile on her girlfriend’s lips, but also to see if she could figure out what she did wrong, and if she could fix it.

Hopefully, this wouldn’t blow up in her face.

* * *

Lena was not ready, at all, for tonight. She had told Jess to reschedule all of her afternoon meetings at four and went home for the day. When Lena got to her apartment after a very long, very silent car ride, she was exhausted. Her body screamed for a nap, and she was too tired to think logically. She face-planted into the couch with her work clothes still on and quickly fell asleep. When she finally woke up, light shining on her eyelids making her wince, she bolted upright and checked her watch. 7:20. _Fuck_. It was supposed to be a _quick_ nap.

She rapidly got to work. The shower would have to be shorter than intended. _Goddamnit, why can’t I do anything right for once in my life? Why do I have to be so dumb? I knew I had things to do tonight and I still didn’t set an alarm or something. I was never supposed to take that nap anyway. What is wrong with me?_ She scrubbed a little bit harder unconsciously, her eyes stinging with unshed tears as she rinsed. _Wow, you can’t even do one thing properly. Always breaking down. So weak, so fragile. How did you even get to where you are? Pure fucking luck, that’s how. You amount to nothing, always remember that._

Her mind kept assaulting her while she continued getting ready, almost at a frantic pace, as is trying to prove something. Her breathing got erratic at one point but she refused to stop putting on her jeans or letting the tears fall. She got her clothes sorted out in record time and it was only 7:50. Time for makeup. She decided for a natural look with little to no makeup, mostly because her hands were shaking to a point where it got too difficult. Her doorbell/elevator dinged when she was halfway done, and she could feel herself getting worked up again. She wasn’t ready yet, Kara couldn’t see her like this, all shaky and scared. She would run and never come back. _Just like she should’ve done months ago_. She could her heartbeat thumping in her ears.

Oh, this wasn’t good.

* * *

Kara was happily staring at the steel in front of her. It was date night and she was glad that she could have the night off from supergirl duties (hopefully J’onn would hold down the fort if anything happened). She had talked to a couple of people and managed to have the National City Observatory open just for them until late. She knew Lena loved seeing the stars unabashedly, and Kara loves to see Lena happy. It was a win-win situation on her side. The elevator pinged and the door opened, and as she started walking out of it she immediately knew something was wrong. For one: Lena's work briefcase was thrown next to the couch and she knew Lena didn’t do that; she knew Lena liked to have it on top of the table so that she can always have it accessible in case something happens. Two: Lena's coat was wrinkled on strewn across the back of the couch; Lena took care of her $500 coats like they were her babies, and almost instantly hanged them up after getting home. Three: the faster-than-normal thump thump thump of Lena’s heart.

Kara immediately grew concerned, and super sped to the sound, stopping to open the door that got in her way. She was halfway in when she heard a faint, strained, “stop, please.” _That_ made her stop in her tracks instantly.

“Lena…” Kara said, trailing off softly. Using her x-ray vision she quickly scanned the room for any threats, human or non-human. When she only saw Lena curled up, with her knees to her chest, face buried, hands shaking, and breathing erratic, Kara almost wanted to burst into the room and hold her girlfriend for the rest of eternity. But, she couldn’t. _She told you to stop._ “Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

She heard Lena gasp as if remembering that she's here. “I-i-i-i-i-i-I c-c-c-c-ca-c-” a sob spread through Lena's body, and Kara knew that she was too far gone.

“It’s okay, you're okay. Can I come in? Just nod or shake your head, I can see you.” She spoke softly, and after what felt like hours Lena slowly nodded her head, her breathing not slowing down. Kara walked up to her at a slower pace than what she wanted, and carefully kneeled in front of her. Right now she needed Lena to stop breathing so harshly. “Can I take your right hand, baby?”

Lena jumped slightly and nodded quickly, uncurling her hand from where she was digging her nails in her left forearm. Kara took it and instantly placed it over her heart, thanking whatever made her decide to wear a light top instead of her normal cardigans. “Can you feel my heart beating, Lee?” the blonde asked, and when Lena nodded Kara started breathing deeply. “Can you feel my breathing?” Once again Lena nodded and Kara heard her starting to calm down just a bit. “Good, baby. You're doing great. Can you try to imitate the way I’m breathing?” it took Lena a little bit longer to concentrate but finally she nodded and started taking less shallow breaths.

Kara just looked at her as she started to calm down a bit more. She heard a voice say, “Keep talking,” and smiled softly.

“You want me to keep talking?” nod. “Okay. Alex says that you should stop by the DEO to see us fight because she thinks she can embarrass me in front of you. I mean, she can totally try, but I would put the best fight ever just to impress you. Maybe I’ll be too distracted with you there, you always have all my attention when you enter a room I’m in. Ah, is that why Alex thinks she can beat me? Fudgenuggets, I need to beat her when I go to the DEO tomorrow, gotta impress my lady.” Kara stops talking when she sees Lena start to sit up, breathing now under more control and her heart not as fast as before. Kara lets out a barely audible sigh of relief. _God, she was worried._

The sight of glistening green eyes and tear stained cheeks break Kara's heart more than she thought it would. “Can I come closer, babe?” the blonde asks and Lena lets out a hoarse ‘yes’ before casting her eyes to the floor. Kara moves closer, tugging softly at Lena's jean-clad legs until she can reposition them so that Lena is almost in her lap. Kara’s right-hand moves to Lena's face with a mind of its own, slowly, of course, asking for permission before touching her cheek and running her thumb over the tears. She hears a quiet sniffle and wants to cry herself, but right now she needs to concentrate on Lena.

“Wanna tell me what’s wrong?” Kara asks trying to capture Lena's gaze with her own to no avail.

“No,” Lena says quietly.

“And why not?” Kara says, not pushing just trying to get Lena to talk.

“Because you’ll leave.” The raven-haired girl says and Kara didn’t expect that at all.

Kara finally catches green eyes with her own blue ones, and says, “Lee, nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, could make me leave you.”

“You don’t know that. I could turn into what everybody thinks of me and hurt you. Kara, I could hurt you!” Lena says and Kara can see her getting worked up again.

“Hey, hey, deep breaths baby. You're getting yourself worked up.” After Lena calms down, Kara grabs Lena's left hand and plays with her fingers. “And I do know. And I also know that you won’t turn into your brother, or your mother for that matter because you're good Lena. You're such a naturally _good_ person; you don’t even have to try. You're selfless and brave, and you put your heart out there even when you know there are people that might stomp on it in hate. And I know you, and god I love you, so much, because you're just Lena to me. Your last name means nothing to me because I get to see the amazing, intelligent, beautiful woman that loves geeky movies and runs a company like no other. I just love _you_ , Lena. So, I'm always going to stay for as long as you’ll have me.” And Kara has tears in her eyes but she promised she wouldn’t cry.

Lena just stares at her.

God, she hopes her little confession doesn’t blow up in her face.

* * *

She can’t keep her eyes off of Kara. Lena just stares, and stares, as her mind tries to wrap around this new information. There's a voice telling her that it’s all a lie; that is all a manipulation tactic. But as she gazes into Kara's ocean blue eyes, full of nervousness and genuine affection, she can feel Kara's confession a lot louder in her head, playing on repeat like her favorite song. _I love you. I love you. I love you_. For a moment Lena can hear her insecurities quiet down to a mere whisper, Kara's voice more present in her mind than anything else. Her right-hand moves up across the blonde’s collarbone and neck, softly landing on a slightly tanner cheek, her thumb sliding along soft skin. Green eyes travel from blue to pink, and back again before she's leaning forward and brushing her lips against Kara's in a soft, barely-there kiss. She feels Kara sigh softly against her lips, and they curve up almost without notice.

Kara is the one that leans forward some more, pressing their lips more firmly; keeping it chaste, but meaningful. They kiss languidly as if they have all the time in the world as if reality didn’t exist outside these four walls. When they separate, it is to gaze into each other’s eyes and Lena can _feel_ all the love that radiates off of Kara.

_“God, I love you so damn much.”_  

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think! Comments make the heart grow fonder :)


End file.
